Ive struggled to write any helpful blog posts lately as Ive been having a really down week and can not find any energy inside myself to care about anything. It amazes me how one week I could be going to the gym daily, eating healthily and being productive for 15 hours of the day at least. Then, the next week I dread getting up in the morning and as soon as I have a chance I’m diving into bed and avoiding the world. Fighting with your own mind is a constant battle and mental health problems have a funny way of creeping up on you whenever you seem to be doing okay. I’ve been exhausted by life and struggling to even talk to people, sometimes you just don’t wanna talk to anyone and you need to fix yourself back up because nothing anyone can say to you will make a difference, it all starts with you.
Once upon a time I would have given up all hope and fell back into a depressive state, but I’m gonna take my own advice and realise that these are bad days and not a bad life. It’ll pass. It doesn’t define me or my life. I’m still gonna have amazing memories, I still have a lot to be thankful for and I’ll get through these bad days like I have been doing and I’ll continue to smash life and be proud of myself, no matter what shit my own mind has to throw at me.
I just wanted to write a recognition post for all of those people (there are loads of us) who fight against their own mind every single day yet still go about their daily life. Forcing yourself up and facing the world even though it drains every ounce of your energy is something that anyone should be beyond proud of. Getting up out of bed and facing this brutal world is a massive accomplishment for anyone who’s mind tells them to give up and stop trying every time you try to better yourself. I will literally be out of the house for 12 hours for work and still feel extremely guilty and worthless if I miss the gym a certain day, or I’m not being completely productive after work. I’ll put so much effort into something and then tell myself its pointless because I’ll never succeed in what I want to be. I need to chill and realise we’re all only human and can’t expect too much from myself.
Living every single day I have to battle negative thoughts, some days more than others. There was a point where I let them over take me, but it’s so important to keep them at bay and basically tell them to shut the fuck up and let me get on with my day. I expect way too much from myself for my age, feeling like a complete failure if my life isn’t 100% perfect. I have a good job, a beautiful apartment to myself and a caring heart. That is enough. I need to stop rushing my life to be perfect when I still have so far to go. Learning to just enjoy life while I can is something I definitely need to work on before I’m old, dying and it’s too late.
For many people like myself, it can feel like you are destined to fail at everything in life because your own mind is telling you you’re not good enough. How are you supposed to stay positive about something when your own mind is against you every single day? It is draining, it’s exhausting to carry on with life and the temptation to give up on everything can be so difficult to deal with sometimes. No matter how strong or happy I seem to convince myself to be, there is always a danger in the back of my mind for all my progress to collapse and to take a million steps back. It is so easy to stop trying.
But that’s just not an option anymore and shouldn’t be for anyone on this planet. Giving up hope and stopping trying is a coward move. The most admirable thing you can truly do is fight on, despite how much your mind is fighting against you. The people who carry on with a smile on their face and continue to be nice to the world are the real G’s of this world. You can sit around and feel sorry for yourself and beat yourself up over not being perfect, but what a waste of a life.
So, although I’m having a shit time lately and I can’t find any energy or hope in anything I do, that doesn’t mean I’m back to my old ways and I’ll never be happy again. Bad days are just bad days, my life is good and I have so much to be thankful for. Sometimes all it takes is getting up and remembering who the hell you are and doing the shit you need to do for a good life. Lying around criticising myself and being a depressive soul isn’t an option to me anymore. I’ll do anything I can to fight the dark thoughts until they’re gone forever, because one day they’ll realise there’s no place for them inside me!
Honestly just get me on holiday with a cocktail because winter months are seriously testing me x